"This mind of mine, a wild and rampant elephant,
I'll tether to that sturdy post: reflection on the Teaching.
And I shall narrowly stand guard
That it might never slip its bonds and flee."

--The Way of the Bodhisattva by Shantideva

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    Wild and Rampant Thoughts

    Monday, January 26, 2009
      assumes many forms...indulges in sex
    I have been intimate with a different woman every night for the last ten nights. I am not prevaricating, and I will confess too, that this has never happened before. I know. You must think my mind to be rampant and untethered and avaricious. A detail more relevant than the quantity of women I have been with is their diversity. Each woman has been almost completely unique. The one last night had long straight hair and was dressed like a character out of a Harry Potter book (which I feel compelled to point out I have never even read). Cosplay is not my thing but I was in to her innocence and had hope that magical things might happen when she used her wand. I saw a reflection of me in a mirror and I was wearing those circular dark-rimmed glasses.

    A couple nights ago I bedded this short spunky girl with wild curly hair who liked to intertwine her legs with mine as we sat on the couch. I just liked how she made me laugh which doesn't happen often anymore. I felt like the world was that couch and nothing that didn't lay on top of it or in between it's cushions mattered.

    Eight other women left their marks upon my soul or scrathces on my back and yet I don't miss them or feel any guilt over a one night stand. They were what I needed and I used them without attachment. I am hoping for number eleven tonight. The sage Yajnavalkya speaks in the Brihadaranyaka Upanishad about men like me,

    The human being has two states of consciousness: one in this world, the other in the next. But there is a third state between them, not unlike the world of dreams, in which we are aware of both worlds, with their sorrows and joys. When a person dies, it is only the physical body that dies; that person lives on in a nonphysical body, which carries the impressions that determine his next life. In this intermediate state he makes and dissolves impressions by the light of Self.

    In that third state of consciousness there are no chariots, no horses drawing them or roads on which to travel, but he makes up his own chariots, horses, and roads. In that state there are no joys and pleasures, but he makes his own joys and pleasures, In that state there are no lotus ponds, no lakes, no rivers, but he makes his own lotus ponds, lakes, and rivers. It is he who makes up all these from the impressions of his past or waking life.

    It is said of these states of consciousness that in the dreaming state, when one is sleeping, the shining Self, who never dreams, who is ever awake, watches by his own light the dreams woven out of past deeds and present desires. In that dreaming state, when one is sleeping, the shining Self keeps the body alive with the vital force of prana, and wanders wherever he wills. In the dreaming state, when one is sleeping, the shining Self assumes many forms, eats with friends, indulges in sex, sees fearsome spectacles. But he is not affected by anything because he is detached and free; and after wandering here and there in the state of dreaming, enjoying pleasures and seeing good and evil, he returns to the state from which he began.